So overall the essay is well-organized and make solid points but given the word choice and unclear connections of ideas, especially in the fourth paragraph, this essay would receive a score of four out of five.
所以这篇文章整体上组织得很好,并且观点站得住脚,但是鉴于词语选择和不清晰的观点衔接,尤其是第四段,这篇文章五分中得了四分。